An Ode to......

S.W. She's my mentee/tenant's kid. Her family, like mine's is Chinese. They've emigrated from China, spent some time in the Dominican Republic and landed in New York.  I think I've mentioned her on this blog. She was five and a half when she first introduced herself to me and she's now 8. This post is going to be unlike the others in that, It's been a difficult month. In some respect, it's going to be difficult not seeing her face practically everyday. In the beginning, her parents were both working and each got one day off and never on the same days. I was the person who would look after her. Often, her dad didn't get home until 9pm and her mom didn't get home til 10:30pm at night, which meant that she's see her parents for maybe an hour or two. I'd imagine she didn't get any decent home-cooked meal, considering that her parents would be dead-tired getting home. And you know what, a lot of kids are in her situation:

"The Rise of Extreme Daycare"

Can you imagine sending your kid to sleep overnight in a day care facility? I really feel for these kids and it's not something the parents want to do, but due to the time schedule of their jobs, are left with few alternatives....

Thinking back, I still remember S.W. falling asleep on our couch around 9pm-ish waiting for her dad to get home. A short while later, her mom decided to stay home to carry her baby full-term. She relayed that in a few months, she'd put her baby daughter to daycare, just like how S.W. was raised. That to me, is so, so sad. Her mom, like many immigrant women works in the nail salon industry.

The New York Times recently wrote an explosive and powerful investigative piece here. The number of women in this industry who no longer have fingerprints or have experienced miscarriages is no coincidence. No wonder, her mother decided to take a hiatus from her job there.

It was heartbreaking hearing how much S.W. had missed her mom so much so. You feel so bad for the kid.  But everyone has their responsibilities, even S.W. Her main responsibilities was to do well in school. Her parents had put her in an after-school program whose main focus was to help with homework, in addition to the once a week private tutoring session in English/grammar and Saturdays were for swimming. There were days that I'd help her with the tutoring homework and other assignments with reading. As much as it sounds like this partnership was one-sided, S.W. taught me a lot.

It's weird, because before meeting her, I wanted to become a "Big Sister" to someone, maybe impart my knowledge and be their "cheerleader." Synchronicity, I tell you. It's not just New Age hokum. But things happen for a reason. I always thought of myself as not being very good with kids. I am not one of those people who talk to kids in that awful baby-language. I'm straight-up with them and honest. Thinking back, as a kid, I used to be afraid of adults. I was really guarded as a kid, and in some ways, I still I am, but less so now that I've known S.W.

Some mornings, she'd knock on my door, while I'm half-asleep and she'd climb into bed with me, with her iPad blasting cartoons, and she'd tell me the going-ons of her life. I'd make her scrambled eggs with toast and ketchup. She was a peanut-butter fiend. Loved peanut butter sandwiches and the way I cook spaghetti.

I guess, in this post, is my farewell to S.W. She just up and left and I hadn't seen her in a month before then. I was privileged to have been a part of her life. She was this warm and bubbly person, the total opposite of me. Her cousins who were around her same age, 7 and 10 (I think) were like that too. They'd sometimes would visit and I'd interact with them. S.W. would often say that we were "twinsies" when we both liked something. And the times that she'd join us for dinner at home, she'd say that we were just like a family. I hope she found solace in our company.

Although her mom said that S.W. would visit, things won't be the same any more. My little girl is growing up, I guess. In the beginning, she would cry all the time, and I'd sit with her, try to understand what was making her cry. Often, there was a deep emotional reason (i.e., she didn't know what her talent was, her parents pressured her to study harder, threatened her by sending her back to the Dominican Republic, pitting favorites of her baby sister over her). Taking care of S.W. was for me, good practice of when I have kids. Single parents have it so hard. Parenting is no joke, it's tiring but you kind of live for the little moments.

And just thinking back during this 2.5 year period, S.W. isn't the same person as when she first came to us, she's more mature and self-confident and crying a lot less. As for myself, I finally managed to complete my thesis (try babysitting and working on your undergrad thesis at the same time), graduate and work on my life post-college. She was this wacky kid who liked "Jeopardy", thought I was "smart" because I knew stuff about science and was my own "cheerleader."
We would talk so much when I was helping her study, so much so that my mom would inquire on the status of her homework. She was everything I wasn't. Good at drawing, an adorable and cute kid (I looked like a tomboy growing up). I relayed my knowledge of how things were "back in my day", which she wasn't a fan of...No internet, the horror!

Memories is a funny thing. I try hard to think about my grandmother who passed away several years ago. I've got photos of her but the good times I've had of her was the way she took care of me, and how I'd hear stories of the Japanese occupation and her childhood (and how she totally favored me over my brother). She was definitely not a fan of my co-habitation with my then "significant other" as she told me after I had broke up with my ex (so wise!).  She was trying to hook me up with her mahjong friend's son who was a dentist as a suitable match. Due to the passage of time, it's hard to put the picture of her face. I just hope the same thing won't happen with S.W.

One of S.W.'s drawings of us

A second grader's view of the classroom: happy, happy kids

S.W.'s rendering of Halloween with her cousin's. I added in the glasses.